


how was i supposed to know? (i should have saved you)

by strandedonthemoon



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: Insomnia, Irondad, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, also this is aBSOLUTE GARBAGE, peter cant sleep and neither can tony, spiderson
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-19
Updated: 2018-12-19
Packaged: 2019-09-22 18:28:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17064878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/strandedonthemoon/pseuds/strandedonthemoon
Summary: Peter can't sleep and neither can Tony.





	how was i supposed to know? (i should have saved you)

**Author's Note:**

> asdfghjkl trying to get myself out of writer's block AGAIN  
> this is just something i did a while ago that i decided to edit and post  
> hope you guys enjoyyyyy

Tony hasn’t been sleeping.

That doesn’t necessarily mean he doesn’t  _try_. He does. He just  _can’t_.

Pepper has been on his ass about sleeping lately, so much that she told FRIDAY to alert her if he enters his lab after twelve so she knows he isn’t working late.

When he found out about this, he couldn’t help but argue.

“At least I’ll be doing something useful with my time if I’m in the lab,” he tried. 

But Pepper just shook her head. “What you need to be doing, Tony, is sleeping.”

He could just tell FRIDAY to not alert her... But he knows she's doing this because she cares, and he really doesn't want to piss her off. So he complies. 

Which sucks.

Because then Tony can’t go to his lab on nights like these, where his mind still lingers in the remains of Titan, and the memory of blood and ashes clog at his throat and made it hard for him to breathe. On nights where, if he squints hard enough, he can still see what was left of Peter Parker cling to the palm of his hands, and if he closed his eyes for too long, he can still feel the boy- _a boy, for god's sake he was just a kid_ - grabbing onto him and he can still hear his cries and _I don't want to go Sir please I don't want to go_ because he was a boy, for god's sake he was just a kid. Of course he didn't want to go. 

Sometimes, on nights like these, if he listened hard enough, he can still hear,  _You have my respect, Stark,_ and his stomach lurches enough that whatever he had for dinner tumbles out, and that'll be it. 

Tony can't go to the lab on nights like these. 

However, that did not stop the man from wandering aimlessly around the penthouse in a state of restless fatigue. 

This was his third day of not sleeping. Pepper was out of town for the week. If she knew he still wasn’t sleeping, there was no stopping her from chaining him to the bed until he did.

The man walked into the living room and turned on the TV, leaving it on mute. He stared at the flashing lights of the device as his eyes focused in and out of reality, only to be jolted out of his state from an upcoming phone call. He yawned and picked up his phone.

_Caller ID: Peter._

His heart leaped out of his chest in fear.

“Hey kid,” Tony answered, trying not to let the concern seep into his voice.

“H-Hey Mr. Stark,” the boy replied nervously.

“It’s Tony, kid. How many times did we talk about this?”

Peter called Tony  _Mr. Stark_  the day he died on Titan. Tony didn’t want Peter calling him that ever again.

“Sorry Mr. S-Tony.”

A silence enveloped them, nothing to hear other than the breathing of the kid on the other end of the line, and of course, the ramming of Tony’s heart in his chest.

He cleared his throat. “So, what’s up kid?”

“Uh, nothing. I-I just wanted to see how you’re doing.”

Tony rolled his eyes at the pathetic attempt of a lie. “Bullshit. It’s three fucking AM. No one checks up on people in the middle of the night. So spill.”

He heard Peter sigh. “… I had a nightmare.”

Tony softened slightly. He knew that the kid was struggling with the aftermath of Titan and the dying. Of course the kid wasn’t sleeping right.

“Hey, it’s alright. Do you wanna come over? I’ll send your Aunt a message that you’re sleeping here tonight.”

Him and his aunt knew about Peter’s struggles and were co-parenting him to the situation accordingly. He knew that when he explained the situation to May that Peter wouldn’t get in trouble.

“Are you sure you don’t mind, Mr. Star-“

“Tony.”

“Tony, sorry. I just don’t want to bother you. You probably want to go to sleep anyway and I’m sure you don’t really want a hyperactive kid to bother you so it’s totally cool if you don’t want me to come over. Seriously, I’m fine and I can totally han-“

“Peter.”

“Yeah?”

“Come over.”

“Okay Mr. Stark.”

“It’s Tony.”

“Sorry. Tony. And thank you.”

“No problem, kid. The door’s open so just pop right in, okay?”

“Okay, Mr. Stark.”

“Tony.”

“Tony. Sorry again.”

“Don’t apologize kid. Just come over, okay? I’m expecting you.”

“Okay Mr. Stark.”

“Tony.”

“Shit. Sorry. Tony. And thanks again. I’m sorry I’m kind of a bother.”

“You’re not a bother kid. Now come over please.”

“Okay. Bye Mr. Stark.”

“Tony.”

“Oh, sorry again. Bye Tony.”

“Bye, Pete.”

Tony couldn’t help but be nervous when Peter closed the phone. He tapped a pattern onto his thigh as he stared at the monotonous TV. He glanced out of his window, hoping to see his spider-boy swing by to the door...

It was nice to see the night was clear. Just nearing February, New York was always covered in snow or rain, weather that was once calming in Tony's mind. But now the rain was too loud and sounded too much like heartbeats, a sound he can never learn to like, and snow looked too much like ashes, falling from the sky like a body has just disintegrated. But now the sky is clear, and Tony couldn't help but appreciate it. 

He checked the window to see if Peter was hear yet. 

Nothing.

He started tapping again. Got up to get a glass of water. Went back to sit on the couch.  _Tap tap tap._ Stared at the TV some more. Threw another glance at the window. Paced around a bit. Back to the couch.  _Tap tap tap-tap_. Eyes to the window. Nothing. Glanced at the clock. It’s been five minutes since Peter called.  _Where is he?_

The doorbell rang, making Tony jump in his seat before rushing to the door and opening it. And standing there was none other than Peter Parker, wearing jeans and a sweatshirt, panting.

Tony couldn’t help it. “Why are you wearing jeans?”

Peter blushed, embarrassed. “I wasn’t sure what proper sleepover attire was.”

“Maybe pajamas?”

“Yeah I guess that would’ve been more ideal.”

Tony rolled his eyes. “Just come in, kid.”

Peter obediently stepped into the house, obviously nervous. Tony calmed a bit at the kid’s state.  _He needs me to be calm_ , he thought.

“Why didn’t you just come in like I told you?”

“I felt like I would be rude.”

God, this kid.

Tony rolled his eyes again before leading the kid to his room. He went to his closet and pulled out a pair of sweatpants and an old MIT sweatshirt before handing them to a nervous looking Peter.

“Here. Take these and change. They might be a bit over-sized though. The bathroom’s over there. And when you’re done, come to the living room. We can watch a movie or something.”

Peter nodded before scurrying to the bathroom.

Tony went to the living room and sent Aunt May a text before putting on the kid’s favorite movie, Star Wars: the Empire Strikes Back. He brought a few blankets and a bunch of pillows then sat down on the couch, waiting for Peter.

Eventually, he showed up. His eyes were slightly rimmed with red, a telltale sign he was crying. Tony’s heart squeezed.

He patted down the seat next to him. “Come here, Underoos. Make yourself at home.”

The kid sat down next to him, making himself comfortable. After weeks of this routine, he knew what to do.

Peter snuggled up next to Tony and laid his head on his chest. Tony wrapped an arm around the younger boy’s shoulders. His other hand used the remote to turn the TV on, then found its way to his hair, softly playing with the curls. 

He heard Peter sigh contently before snuggling up closer. His eyes glanced at the TV before he softly said, "Tony?"

"Yeah?"

"Can you please turn the TV off? I'm sorry. It's just, it's kind of loud an-"

"You don't have to explain, Peter." Tony gestured to FRIDAY to turn the TV off before turning his attention back to the kid. He had his face buried into Tony's chest with his ear perfectly aligning with his heart. The boy's eyes were softly shut, a curl just slightly obscuring them, but his lips were sealed in a light line.

A warmth spread through the older man's chest, one that was simultaneously welcoming and frightening. 

Tony began to brush Peter's curls again. “Do you want to talk about it, kid?”

“Are you going to leave me?”

Tony was taken aback. His hands stopped untangling the curls as it took him a second to process the words. Once the initial shock wore off, he pulled Peter closer, kissing the top of his head.

“Never again. You’re stuck with me.”

Peter nodded his head, hugging Tony closer and closing his eyes, a shaky sigh leaving his lips. "Good."

Tony continued to play with the curls of Peter’s hair through the night and into the morning, only one of them finding sleep. 

**Author's Note:**

> wow thanks for reading this gARBAGE
> 
> also here's my tumblr! check it out! (its just shitposts and my reblogging irondad so be warned)  
> https://wrxterpxrker.tumblr.com/
> 
> kudos and comment?
> 
> thanks for reading!


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